This topic has been irritating me for a while now, and it’s quite cathartic to just write (technically type) it all out. This will be quite “ranty”(that’s not even a word oh well) but I hope that you’ll understand what I’m getting at.
There are so many things that I love about Pakistani culture. The food, the clothes, the language. But, like everything, this culture has it’s problems. And the problem with these problems (lol) is that they don’t seem to be going away. Why? Because some Pakistanis tend to sweep their problems under the rug. Also, I need to make a point about the line between culture and Islam that seems to be getting thinner and thinner ie. people are so focused on culture and what their community will think of them that they tend to forget about religion, which actually brings people peace. Approximately 96% of Pakistanis are Muslim, yet it seems a lot of the time that Islam is thrown out of the window and people let their culture and pride get the best of them.
Around the UK, there are obviously towns which have a higher percentage of British Pakistanis in them (London, Manchester Bradford, Birmingham). This means that in these towns there are many Pakistani communities, some nice, some ‘not so nice’. What do I mean by ‘not so nice’? Basically, its a bit like gossip girl, expect instead of teenagers causing drama its the old aunties. In certain communities you are judged on everything you do, which can lead to paranoia in families as doing something that will bring the family shame may lead to you and/or your family being ostracized from the community. Ruzwana Bashir wrote an amazing article for the guardian about her experience with abuse and the impacts of living in a British-Pakistani community.
A well-known global issue is forced marriage. It has absolutely nothing to do with religion yet it is so common in Pakistan (and Afghanistan, India, Latin America). Why? Because people allow their actions to be driven by culture, not religion. Culture becomes the new religion. For some families it is just expected that their daughter after getting married will move in to her husbands family home to live with his parents and siblings. 90% of the time this causes problems, for example verbal/ physical abuse between the daughter and her parents’ in law. In these cases, the daughter is treated like a servant and you may think- why doesn’t she just leave? In Pakistan, leaving would be unacceptable, and even if she was brave enough to do it, a lot of women have no financial support that they can use to start a new life. Their husbands are their financial support, ie. they are trapped. And in some sad cases, the girl would not be able to return home as that would just bring shame on her and her family, meaning she, and possibly her family, would be ostracized from her community. It is worth mentioning that this doesn’t just happen to girls ie. a man can be forced by his parents into a marriage, but in many ways it is easier on him as he usually remains in his family home (unlike his wife who has to leave her family), and he is more often than not ever expected to help with the housework etc., as that is seen as the “woman’s job”. It’s so sad that in 2017 this antiquated ideology of the daughter moving in is still so apparent.
This wasn’t the most eloquent post, but there is so much to say on this topic so its hard to organize the thoughts running through my brain. Comment down below any experiences you’ve had, and your opinions on this issue.
Stay fresh
tired minty xoxo
March 5, 2017 at 3:34 am
Preach girl, preach!! Honestly, I so relate – I think people take culture to the extreme, and come up with the most ridiculous things or “rules” and they bias them against women/girls. It’s really unfair, and like you said, they’re going by culture not religion. I absolutely loved this post – it is absolutely necessary and everyone should give this a read!! xx
Aqsa ❤
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March 5, 2017 at 9:13 am
Thanks so much!! ❤️
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March 5, 2017 at 3:35 am
Btw, I meant that the culture bias/judging is geared more towards women and girls, and that men can be effected too in some way 😉
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March 5, 2017 at 11:32 am
I love your post! I am aware of arranged marriages but I never knew the girls couldn’t leave. I always wondered why did they stay in such abusive relationships. I wish one day women can be kept as equals and not treated badly. Nobody deserves this.
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March 5, 2017 at 11:34 am
Thanks so much- and I completely agree!
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March 6, 2017 at 6:10 am
I really love this post!!! this honestly amazing! I really think its amazing that u r speaking out about such a prevalent issue in society today, and that u r willing to actually share personally your culture. you should be so proud of what u have written, and your blog. this post shares hope, and an undeniable strength needed in the world 🙂 I can’t wait to read more!
(also, I left a comment on here before, but I think my computer deleted it, because its super clever lol. so sorry if there r two comments! 😉 )
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March 6, 2017 at 6:21 am
Haha don’t worry they’re aren’t! Your support really means a lot xx
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March 6, 2017 at 6:30 am
that’s alright 🙂 ❤ as does yours 🙂 ❤
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March 9, 2017 at 12:33 pm
I’m glad someone decided to write this. Another instance of the prevalence for culture over religion is instances where people discourage their daughters/sons from interracial marriages. Another totally unIslamic practice!
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March 9, 2017 at 1:16 pm
exactly- there seem to be so many!
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March 18, 2017 at 4:49 pm
Culture and Religion seem to be such simple things that media somehow has so much control over. I feel that because of media focusing on mostly negative things and zooming into the negative aspects of culture, everything has been made complex. Do I have a solution? No. But I sure am tired of seeing post after post on terrible things, I know its important to be informed but can we look at the positives in life too?!
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March 18, 2017 at 4:57 pm
I completely agree! Personally, I think that the media has basically deemed religion as a “backwards” idea that people should stay away from- it’s so sad considering religion is all about peace 😦
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March 18, 2017 at 11:27 pm
Hi ho Pakistani American commenting here – wish that our culture could think rationally about things! There’s a reason India is doing better than Pakistan right now and that’s because of secularism. I think if Pakistan hadn’t rewritten their constitution in 1956, they would be as prosperous as secular India next door. But at this rate? It looks like our fate will either be rejoined with India or unstable terrorist factions.
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March 19, 2017 at 8:50 am
hahaa I love it when I find Pakistani bloggers on here! And definitely, maybe Pakistan would be successful if it stopped focusing on material things all the time!
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April 14, 2017 at 9:11 am
Excellent post. If you visit my WordPress site you will see that I approach Islam from a different perspective, but your observations are plausible and persuasive.
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April 14, 2017 at 9:32 am
Thank you so much, and I will check it out .
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May 6, 2017 at 8:24 am
I love that you address this issue. You mention aspects of how it’s easier on man than a woman in the culture. Although Islam denies certain aspects that the culture practices – much of the conflict lays in hegemonic masculinity. Women tend to give men this power due to the expectations of society. There is much needed education on Islam and women’s rights, as well as sociology.
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May 6, 2017 at 2:49 pm
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post- it means a lot 😊. And I agree, some women do give men the power when they shouldn’t, but others are almost forced into giving it even though they don’t want to, due to culture. And also feel that both men and women should be educated on women’s rights and the importance of them.
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July 3, 2017 at 1:07 am
Would it be OK if I cross-posted this article to WriterBeat.com? I’ll be sure to give you complete credit as the author. There is no fee, I’m simply trying to add more content diversity for our community and I liked what you wr6ote. If “OK” please let me know via email.
Autumn
AutumnCote@WriterBeat.com
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July 10, 2017 at 10:05 pm
for sure- I’d be more than happy for you to do that!
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